As I said before, this is the skankiest outfit I've worn this whole month, and so I decided to take on a skankier persona as well (kind of).I realized while being glanced at by another man that I SUCK at the "come hither" or "eye sex" look. Maybe this is the reason all my friends get hit on and I don't? Whenever a guy, or rather anyone looks my way I usually look away immediately then look back and attempt a friendly smile realizing I must seem like a snob.
It's always incredibly awkward for me to walk past people, especially acquaintances. When it comes to nonverbal flirtation from across the room, which I sometimes try to do for the sake of trying, it always ends up me looking at the guy really blankly then looking past him.
I told Noah this and we tried eye sex looks back and forth. I either broke down laughing or just generally looked like an ass. Still, my new found confidence did seem to somehow gain me some new guy friends. It was either my exposed cleavage or my more desperate and less awkward approach.
Either way, while I may not have mastered this sexy stare, I still consider today a success. Now hopefully I didn't get any stalkers from it!
I realized from this that its ok to open up to other men. I don't need to constantly be on guard like every guy around me is a potential rapist out to get me. I think this girly naivete I maintain gains me friends without alienating others. I also don't have to avoid the subject of having a boyfriend around guys so as not to "upset" them as I used to.
From being girly I've learned that being open to as many people as possible is a great idea, and if they can't deal with the fact that I'm not going to get as cozy as they'd like, well it sure as hell isn't, and shouldn't be my problem.
Of course, this has been only one day of getting attention. I tend to get annoyed at too much attention from too many people. I hate it when too many people start wanting things from me (like time to hang out), it gets overwhelming. I think that's why I've never had many friends. I hate that about myself, its such an inefficient way to get by. Having lots of friends can get you places, plus there's a lot of people there to back you up when you're on the ground.
If anyone has advice on not only how to make friends but KEEP them let me know. I'm pretty sure the answer will require me to pick up the phone and call old friends but I'm hoping its something else. I think that's what really keeps me from having friends; I HATE calling people! I am terrified of it! I'm terrified of calling someone and hearing "Hey, thanks for FINALLY calling me (asshole)!" and looking like a jerk.
Maybe that's another reason I prefer hanging out with guys; they don't expect you to call them, ever! But I'm not a man, and I need to finally accept that fact and be a girl. Time to make some calls (tomorrow, no, next week)!
{not pictured}: same outfit for tomorrow as day 2's
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