Day 19: Media

Today I woke up at 10:00 AM. I didn't need to get to school at 8:45am like I usually do, I just needed to be there for a meeting at noon. I think I've been forgetting to take my thyroid pills (I have hypothyroidism) because despite the 5 hour nap and the 6 hours of sleep I still was incredibly tired!

I'm getting better at being a huge makeup badass despite my limitations (no fancy eyeshadow brush, just my finger). I'm getting lots of compliments, which a huge plus when it comes to being girly. Fellow girly girls are not scared to say "Love your shoes", or "Love your eyeshadow!" to a stranger, and I can totally respect that!

I cannot respect the lack of definition in this pic

I'm definitely becoming a girly girl with all the repercussions! I keep getting in really weird petty arguments with Noah that are completely based on my own emotional distress.

I'll be trying to pick out the outfit for tomorrow and get upset, he tries making it better by telling me to deal with it because its not a big deal, which eventually leads me to break down in tears and demand I be treated like a girl for once, because I'm not a man, and I just want someone to treat me sweet.

I've never felt so needy, and what I say I want isn't always what I want. Everything in my heart just feels all over the place. It's kind of like I'm PMSing but less of the anger and more of the raging (emotions). Poor Noah has no idea what he got himself into, neither did I! I expected that I should act more high maintenance but I didn't think in my wildest dreams that it would just come natural.

No wonder the dating game is so complex, being girly, it would be hard to land a man! Who wants to deal with all the emotions? I know I sure as hell don't! If my boyfriend put anything like that on me I would tell him to go to therapy or grow up, I expect the same for girls too.

Why the double standard? I do appreciate guys that can be my shoulder to cry on when I have valid reasons to be upset. But I don't expect that when my boyfriend is upset, that he should just go away and throw a chair or something, he has just as much of a right to feeling emotions as I do.

Someone incredibly wonderful let me borrow her eco-friendly makeup remover and I remembered what was like to not feel like I'm rubbing my skin bare! This stuff is amazing!

Hell F****ing yes to carrots!!

My face even looks livelier!

I watched the first episode of "Sex and The City" today. I suggest anyone who wants to know what it feels like to be a film/TV critic should watch this show. First of all, the intro is only Sarah Jessica Parker walking around in some weird creepily age inappropriate ballerina dress while all the other main characters have their names shown with no faces except hers looking oblivious and dazed. It screams "I'm Sarah Jessica Parker!!! I'm the star! No one else is important!" despite the only reason she's the focus is that everyone is trying to hard to find out why she appears the most desirable compared to her much more attractive and interesting friends.

Why won't they accept me for who I really am; a vulnerable 12 year old girl?

Then the episode ends with her in the car with some really creepy guy, who's also the apparent the love interest throughout the show called "Mr. Bigg" (great name!) that talks like a sex offender and makes the show feel like a sleazy porn that just never got to the sex. Ew, this is going to be hard to stomach, but I'm learning a lot about the reeking desperation females accept about themselves and the pungent perversion that men give in to.

Now I know why I was always so scared of men in Junior high despite the fact they avoided me like the plague. Thanks Mother Culture for making me look like a jackass all of my puberty.