Day 30: The Last Day!!

Today I woke up at 6:30. I planned on giving this last day my all, but my raging hormones seemed to hold that back(PMS is a bitch).

Come hither?

I felt kinda down the whole day, and when I got home at 5:30 I took a nap until 8. I wanted to end this last day with a bang, but my biggest bang I got was spilling nail polish remover all over my laptop (hence the delayed post).

Removing my nails was a huge bitch; the toilet paper I was using kept rubbing into flakes and whenever I tried to tip some remover into the tissue I would miss and spill everywhere. Plus, I finally got so see just how bad of a job that manicurist had done on my nails.

My nails were misshapen and had unsightly grooves and craters. Not only that, but the nail polish didn't like coming off of these said grooves making my nails have red grooves and craters. I was very tempted to get acrylics all over again!

At least no one can see how bad they really look!

It was strange to know that I didn't have to plan an outfit for the next day, I was happy, but not as happy as I would have liked to feel about it. Just brushing my teeth and sleeping was amazing though! I didn't worry about my hair or makeup tonight!

Speaking of makeup, I compiled all of the makeup I wiped off over the month (well at least most of it):

Can you tell which days I wiped off my eye makeup? I opened an bottle of eye makeup remover I'd had on me for maybe a year on day 1 of my experiment and look at it now!

30 days of eyes rubbed raw

I'm really excited to be able to wear my warm red jacket, some comfy pants and shirt, and my good ol' Walmart shoes!

Day 29: snacks

Today I woke up at 11:40. I drank some wine and had cheese(goat cheese!) with Noah for Valentines and I was not ready to get up so early.

When I drink even a few glasses I have huge problems with eating the next morning. I also don't notice this problem until after I've eaten then all of a sudden I want to vomit. This morning I ate pot stickers and had a grande iced caramel macchiatto with an extra shot.

This was a really bad idea! While heading over to my house to do some homework we ended up parked on the side of the road with my head out the door vomiting!

When I got home I passed out on the floor for a few hours.

I watched "Becoming Jane" tonight. Nothing much to say, it didn't turn out to be the chick flick I was expecting. I think Jane Austen just writes the ideal chick flick that appeals to today's woman.

Tomorrow is my last day, and I plan to give it my absolute all. It's a school day unfortunately, so I can't do anything special

Day 28: Valentine's Day

Today I'm going to take a break from my usual girl blogs and dedicate this entry to my dearly beloved Noah.

On January 5th 2008, Noah kissed me for the first time. I was excited but scared, thinking I shouldn't get into a relationship right after coming out of one. I was sure that it wouldn't last, that I was making a huge mistake and I would lose him as a friend. But whenever we were together everything felt so right!

On January 8th, 2008, Noah told me he loved me for the very first time. I had been thinking it, but I was too scared and insecure.

February 14th we decided to finally make it official. I was so certain it would end, but it just got better and more amazing every day.

Just holding his hand feels like sliding into a warm bubble bath. We never ever get enough of each other. Even after spending every day together we feel like we haven't had time to appreciate each other fully if there's been a busy day.

Noah appreciates me for who I am, he embraces my flaws, loves them in fact. For instance, my overbite that I used to try to cover up, he thinks it's cute! I wish there was some way to convey to him how much he means to me besides fluffed up sentences and small examples.

The thing that makes me know that he's the one is that he loves my personality and intelligence far more than my looks. In fact, my body and face mean little to him at all. He tells me almost everyday something he loves about me.

Even when I make a fool out of myself, he makes it seem better!

I didn't have enough money to buy him something special, but this morning he opened the door with his arms piled with all of my favorite treats: potstickers, goat cheese, crackers, chocolates(milk free because I'm lactose intolerant) and a bouquet of roses!

He knows who I am and what I like and can always tell if I'm upset. I had a tendency to not talk about things that bothered me because I always assumed I was wrong, but his intuition brought my problems forward whether I felt like talking about them or not. I was forced to be completely honest with him and myself and it feels so amazing to know that honesty is so welcome!

Noah is a great man, his love, his kindness, his deep consideration, and his assertiveness have pushed me to become a person who believes in herself to go forward with her ideas and without him I would have never done this experiment!

My ideas and inspirations are welcomed and encouraged, he makes me feel like a smart person, a creative person, a good person. Without him I imagine that I would be going to college, jumping through the hoops, going through the motions, with no aim or passion.

our intimacy and trust knows no bounds, and I will never have such a connection with any other.

Noah, I love you so much! Adocleo, and Happy Valentine's Day!

Day 26 and 27: Chick Flicks

Day 26

Today I woke at 10 am. I had a meeting at school and nothing girly happened until I got home.

Yes, the picture is reused

When I went over to my house to visit I ended up watching "Pride and Prejudice" and "A Cinderella Story" on the Lifetime Channel.

Pride and Prejudice was a good movie. My boyfriend had never seen/read the story, he initially pouted and said that he hated "Victorian era" films. After a while, he gradually put down his DS and was absorbed. Noah ended up loving the film, the idea that a poorer woman was judging a rich man surprised him since he was expecting a cheap flick. I then realized the world of Jane Austen was invisible to many men.

Even me, someone who has never read a Jane Austen book knows of her incredible power over modern women (or at least Hollywood seems to think so). I've felt barraged by Jane Austen's film adaptations since 2005, seriously, click the link; since 2002 Jane Austen films and shows have been churned out nonstop!

Just a few of these films

I want to know why exactly this is such a hot topic now when it was really a pressing moral issue at the time these novels were published. From my uninformed assumptions; the women in these books are smart and require more than just a knight in shining armor.

There were also incredible social pressures for women to marry a rich man but never seem too desperate. These cultural expectations still ring true in our culture today, but why do we need so much reinforcement?

I'm definitely going to do some more research on this, but my personal biased and uninformed opinion about just why Jane Austen would appeal to today's culture filled with independent, smart, and classy women is that in this post-feminist era, is that it's more OK for women to become housewives and marry into money which has made the media retaliate to show that independent and smart women are still something to be desired.

The other film also reinforced this principle although it was heavily cheapened."A Cinderella Story"(see plot summary in hyperlink) also starred an intelligent and demure girl who ends up getting her "knight in shining armor" (AKA the football captain and hunky popular guy).

I sadly related somewhat to the film except for the happy ending part of course. I also had oppressive twin stepsisters and was the outcast in school. I even spent most of my socialization in my teen years talking to people on the internet!

When Noah and I got to his house later that night we watched an episode of Sex and the City. In the episode I noticed a very subtle detail. When the girls were out to lunch in one scene, Carrie and Samantha were sharing their meal! I also remembered an episode of Friends I'd seen where Joey hated sharing food with anyone.

My boyfriend Noah wasn't completely against sharing food, but at times he did glare at me when I liberally plucked some chicken nuggets from his plate.

From these few observations (and a few others I can't tangibly describe because they are such vague memories) it has gotten me to wondering if there is a hidden social standard that women share food and men don't. I honestly have no idea, but it's good brain gum for you all to chew on.

Day 27

Today I went out with some girls to get manicures. I decided since there were only 3 days left I'd get my acrylics removed and my nails painted red. I had no idea what I was getting myself into!

Now this blog isn't a business review site, but I have to say the service there was terrible! The woman who did my nails seemed to have no idea what she was doing, I just asked her the prices and she stooped her head down and just said "umm..." and that I guess was her answer. Now I understand that some people are shy but you're getting paid by me to get this done so don't put me in an awkward situation!

I had to dip my fingers in nail polish remover for the next 20 minutes. for those of you who have never encountered nail polish remover; it feels and smells very similarly to rubbing alcohol. My hands felt like they had been walking in the middle of the desert with no water for a few hours.

my "fingers dipped in rubbing alcohol" smile

She very gradually shaved off the excess acrylic and painted my nails. Usually they give you a little light chamber you put your hands under for about 5-10 minutes to get them to dry but she was finished as soon as the painting was done. Somehow I was expected to get up, grab my purse, reach in and grab my wallet, pay, then open the door, walk to the car, open the car door, start the car, and drive without even touching my nails.

Feels just as pleasant as it looks!

This was probably the most stress I've been through in a while. And of course, I didn't leave unscathed at all. I like the color though! I just wish it were shiny instead of scratched and pockmarked.

Now that my nails were back I was excited to put them to good use. I then realized why acrylics were so addictive; my nails were weak and brittle! Before I couldn't even itch myself properly but now I didn't even feel comfortable itching myself for fear that my nails would fold over on themselves!

My nails were once strong and independent, now they're fragile and needy! I can't wait for them to grow back!

Poor little guys!

I also watched 2 more chick flicks: "Valentines Day" and "Because I Said So".

Noah and I decided to watch "Valentines Day" not on Valentine's Day because everyone else would be watching it then and we didn't care enough to fight for tickets. I was a little worried because I saw on Cosmopolitan.com that it was an absolutely atrocious film. I thought to myself if a woman at the girliest magazine at all time hated the movie then why in the hell should I like it?

I was at an advanced stage of chick-flickitus though so I ignored the review. The movie was predictable as stated in the review, but it wasn't terrible. These flicks have definitely begun to wear at my proud resolve; for the first time I can recall I said "awwwww" in a movie, and meant it!

This makes me really disappointed in whoever reviewed the movie in Cosmo. I mean, they should know by now that most women readers would not be so picky in their films, and when does a magazine for women trash on films for women? Cosmopolitan isn't exactly known for their intellectual articles or deep questions of what is right or wrong. It just doesn't seem right.

I also watched "Because I Said So", and I realized I had peaked my chick flick fever. My reactions to every comedic moment were fully expressed by loud squeals and huge grins.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I hope you all enjoy it, I know I will!

Day 25: Looks

Today I woke up at 7. It was a pretty average morning, I'll spare the mundane details.

As I said before, this is the skankiest outfit I've worn this whole month, and so I decided to take on a skankier persona as well (kind of).

I realized while being glanced at by another man that I SUCK at the "come hither" or "eye sex" look. Maybe this is the reason all my friends get hit on and I don't? Whenever a guy, or rather anyone looks my way I usually look away immediately then look back and attempt a friendly smile realizing I must seem like a snob.

It's always incredibly awkward for me to walk past people, especially acquaintances. When it comes to nonverbal flirtation from across the room, which I sometimes try to do for the sake of trying, it always ends up me looking at the guy really blankly then looking past him.

I told Noah this and we tried eye sex looks back and forth. I either broke down laughing or just generally looked like an ass. Still, my new found confidence did seem to somehow gain me some new guy friends. It was either my exposed cleavage or my more desperate and less awkward approach.

Either way, while I may not have mastered this sexy stare, I still consider today a success. Now hopefully I didn't get any stalkers from it!

I realized from this that its ok to open up to other men. I don't need to constantly be on guard like every guy around me is a potential rapist out to get me. I think this girly naivete I maintain gains me friends without alienating others. I also don't have to avoid the subject of having a boyfriend around guys so as not to "upset" them as I used to.

From being girly I've learned that being open to as many people as possible is a great idea, and if they can't deal with the fact that I'm not going to get as cozy as they'd like, well it sure as hell isn't, and shouldn't be my problem.

Of course, this has been only one day of getting attention. I tend to get annoyed at too much attention from too many people. I hate it when too many people start wanting things from me (like time to hang out), it gets overwhelming. I think that's why I've never had many friends. I hate that about myself, its such an inefficient way to get by. Having lots of friends can get you places, plus there's a lot of people there to back you up when you're on the ground.

If anyone has advice on not only how to make friends but KEEP them let me know. I'm pretty sure the answer will require me to pick up the phone and call old friends but I'm hoping its something else. I think that's what really keeps me from having friends; I HATE calling people! I am terrified of it! I'm terrified of calling someone and hearing "Hey, thanks for FINALLY calling me (asshole)!" and looking like a jerk.

Maybe that's another reason I prefer hanging out with guys; they don't expect you to call them, ever! But I'm not a man, and I need to finally accept that fact and be a girl. Time to make some calls (tomorrow, no, next week)!

{not pictured}: same outfit for tomorrow as day 2's

Day 24: Slumped

Today I woke up at 7:49(late!!)! I rushed to put on makeup and somehow got to school on time but it was incredibly stressful.


I think this set the tone for the whole day because throughout it I felt really unhappy. I think this experiment is really wearing on me.

I think I failed at getting a supportive circle of girlfriends and it's hard to want to keep up with this without the feeling of belonging to something.

Maybe I'm just disappointed in myself for not going as far as I could have with this. I know that I had limitations but I'll never be able to replicate this again without already knowing what's in store for me.

I read an article in Glamour called "What his Valentine Gift says About your Relationship" it was funny how ridiculous and judgmental it was. You would think that girls would understand by now that guys don't leave subliminal messages hidden around their actions, girls to that! I mean, if a guy got her something really weird like knives its an obvious sign but roses and/or a box of chocolates doesn't mean anything.

By the way, this is the skankiest outfit I'll be wearing for the month (hopefully), so stay tuned!

I think I just need to take these last few days as seriously as I can. I feel like I've been slacking, and the slacking is putting a slump in my shoulders. I did this to learn, not to complain. Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day!

Day 23:Pretty

Today I woke up at 6:50. It was a rushed morning, and I was incredibly unsure about my makeup. I decided on a bronzey brown color but was very insecure about it the whole day. I really want some better eyeshadow applicators though I'm impressed with what I've been able to do with the crap that I've got now.

Today was the first day I used a waist belt. this was really exciting because it was my secret guilty girly fetish before this whole experiment. Most feminist-minded people would expect me to realize my mistake and complain about how it constricted my breathing and wasn't worth it. It was! It's an instant confidence booster. I can eat as much as I want and not feel self conscious. It was like a little fairy godmother saying "eat up, I got you covered."

When I took it off at the end of the day I felt my gut spill out. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt exposed. All of a sudden I realized my perfect little waist was just an illusion, that I did eat out at Azteca today, and that it did show.

Also, men seemed to love it! I got a lot of compliments, especially from my boyfriend.

As the month begins to end, school is really winding up, and I've realized how hasty I've been with starting this experiment. I had no idea how much time and effort it would take to keep it up and how little I feel I've accomplished compared to what I know I could have if I had done more research and had more time.

My shoe injures are healing!

This being said, I've decided to not adopt another personality until after the quarter ends. I want to really get the full experience of each person I'm becoming and mostly what I've gotten out of being girly are the clothes, which is just the tip of the iceberg for the personality. I feel like I've really let myself and other down with my hastiness, and next time around, things will really be well planned.

I also realized I need to know more cultural stuff in order to have more informed blog entries. I want to really take this seriously, but I'm just worried I don't have the means/knowledge/friends to make this go as far as it could go.

I've discovered that Glamour.com is much better that Cosmopolitan.com and had an awesome article about how girls need to dress down for men to show they're not as high maintenance as the actually are. It's good to know that men are smart enough to pick up on those cues, though I'm sure lots of guys are completely oblivious. If you are a guy and have no idea what I'm talking about, check out this article.

Day 22: Makeup

I woke up at 6:45 this morning! I'm really proud of myself because not only did I wake up easily but I could have woken up earlier than that! This is a big deal because there are many times the alarm goes off at 6 and we press the snooze button despite the fact that I could get up then when we wake up 30 minutes later I am so tired I want to die just so I can sleep longer.

Ahh! looking good sure feels good!

Also, I finally had the time to thoroughly do my makeup and hair. It seemed like forever, and it definitely lightened my mood quite a bit! Also, I just HAVE to brag; but I got that adorable shirt at Goodwill! Being stylish and thrifty is the ultimate win!

Other than my looking AMAZING all day, nothing much happened. It was a typical hellish Monday; busy from 9am till 9 pm. 12 hour days at school are great!

I have to say this whole makeup business can be really fun! My boyfriend could even agree. This morning was daunting because my outfit required a very specific color scheme: Green, black, and white. I had no idea what to make my eyeshadow. I heard from someone that you're not supposed to match eyeshadows with outfits but from everyone else I've received compliments for perfect color coordination.

I was so conflicted I even resorted to Yahoo answers to find my solution. I was told that whatever color is least common on my outfit should be on my eyes and by other sources that a little bit of green with black liner and mascara would work.

So I did the green. It looked amazing! Then my wonderfully genius boyfriend suggested I put some silver on the top lid; I taught him well! So, I ended up putting dark green on the eyelid, lighter green above it, and silver above that. I was feeling a little saucy so I added some darker silver to the under-eye a little. I also added a very very light green/blue to the insides of my eyes. It looked fantastic!

Of course the picture makes it look average

Pretty much that was my day; obsessing over my looks. The rest was doing homework running between classes and going to a meeting.

But I realized I'm channeling my old high school self a lot through this project in more ways than girly. I've been having a lot of trouble concentrating in class and have a deep desire to write and/or doodle. These were things I did a lot in high school, but somehow abandoned in college. But I'm also getting incredibly insecure, and not only about my appearance. I feel awkward like I lack social skills all of a sudden.

I don't know how much of this is related to who I interacted with today at school or if it has something to do with me trying to get in touch with my girly side by bringing back the me that was as close to girly as I ever was.

I don't like this though, it's not right. This project is meant for me to discover a new self, not an old, obsolete one.

When I finally got home at 9 and got to take off all my clothes I was in for a surprise:

Saggy ears.

Level 4 pain tolerance earrings

I had definitely worked my way up to this amount of weight. remember days 1-3 where I was constantly in pain? If I had worn these guys on those days my ears would be bleeding. Now I can see why women have a higher pain tolerance than men because I was only mildly annoyed by the weight of these all day.

Something that is kind of scaring me is the necklace I wore today. It always leaves a weird grey mark and I suspect at times that it could be causing reactions. Maybe I just need to clean it:


Noah has gotten genuinely annoyed by how long I take to coordinate a new outfit. He thinks I'm way too critical and I should just settle. He has no idea what kind of pressure I'm under (in my head) to look amazing every day.

I have expectations to keep. People have been so impressed so far by my capabilities and I hate disappointing! I have to make sure that every outfit fits the part as much as I can or I have failed at the cardinal rule of girlyness.

Actually, now that I think of it, what is the cardinal rule of girlyness? I need to do some research.

First time utilizing a waist belt, wish me luck!

Day 21: Disappearing

Today I woke up at noon. Somehow I ended up not having time to put on makeup or style my hair. It wasn't like anyone was going to see me that day anyway, it was Superbowl Sunday, and naturally, as a girly girl, I had to disappear.


This made me wonder if that was even true; do girly girls attend sports events? I interviewed a few girls who identified as girly but then hesitated saying that they didn't fit the stereotype because they liked to get dirty and liked sports. I just decided that they weren't the kind of girly I was aiming for, at least not to the level I was going to take it.

But I also realized that most girly girls were the popular chicks in high school, and one common thing those girls did was regularly attend football games/cheerlead for said games. These are too many stereotypes piling on one another though, and the theory is too shaky to put to practice.

So I went to my house during the Superbowl, and Noah went to have some beers and watch the game with his brother. While at my house I remembered an article I read called 12 Things Men Really Find Romantic. Thing 3 was "Give Him a Night Out with the Boys — No Strings Attached". I realized that it was uncommon for a girl to let her man out without considerable guilt tripping/pouting.

I decided I should call him up; this wasn't going to be one of those romantic times. It was hard to make myself so insecure, in fact I just couldn't do it. I wonder why these women are like this? It really is sad to know that men are throwing away their friendships when it comes to committing to a woman, or at least that's how it seems in most cases.

It makes me understand why the dating game is so damn tough for girls. Men don't want to throw away their lives, and rightfully so. But why then do women do this so often, why don't women loosen the leash to show that relationships don't have to result in a ball and chain?

Hmm...

Got a black waistbelt, some colorful earrings, and white tights!

After watching Sex and the City a few more episodes in, I've gained a little more respect for it. It has potential to be a really legitimate show if it weren't for the fact that that Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte are complete stereotypical 2-dimensional characters. It makes for great research though because these stereotypes (besides Miranda's) fall into the girly girl category. This show empowers women at the same time as categorizing them.

Samantha desperately grasps onto her youth, sleeping with any man that can make her feel like she's the young little thing she once was.

Miranda is the raging feminist that most men cringe at the sight of. I despise her character the most because she is the reason guys judge so harshly whenever I act angry or passionate about anything. I've always hated when men tried to categorize me as "angry bitch" over one incident where I wasn't letting someone step all over me. I am not a Miranda and usually I can be quite passive.

Charlotte is the average girl. The one that wants marriage with the perfect man, a cute house and essentially wants to be the modern day Cinderella.

Of course, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is "perfect". Not too desperate, not too aloof, she epitomizes the "perfect girl" or at least what women think the perfect girl would be. For some reason she can get any man she wants without even trying and even stranger yet she doesn't really reject any of these guys, she just sleeps with them and moves on (with class of course).

I like that these women are allowed to sleep around without dealing with moral repercussions, I just wish the media would portray women as real people, not caricatures.

But caricatures are so fun to dress up!

It's strange that my girly experiment has pushed me to become more feminist, but I think the reason I started this experiment was that I hated being categorized, and wanted to see what the appeal was for people to happily put themselves in a box like that. Also, maybe I really was one of these people, and I just didn't know.

But being in a box feels so constricting. I have been craving more than ever to go out and meet new people, to become new people. It feels so cut off and exclusive, as if I can only do and like certain things.

I was craving something different so much today that I almost picked up a hitchhiker. The only reason I didn't was because it was obviously a terrible idea to pick up a male hitchhiker on a secluded road alone in the car. But still, I was very tempted.

This personality is definitely wearing on me. It's like a mask that was fun to keep on because life just seemed better but now my face is sweaty under the plastic and I just want to take it off! Of course, this is just one day, other days I love this new, different me. I'm betting tomorrow will be great, especially with my adorable new outfit!

Day 20: Shopping!

I woke up at 10:30 AM. It feels so good to wake up late(r)! Though if it were my choice I would have slept until 3 pm. It was warm outside today so I decided to wear this number:

Today I went shopping with a friend. It's much more fun to go shopping with a girl; their opinions are more informed, less personally biased (for men they think certain clothes are stupid because their lack of functionality).

I realized that shopping is a lot like writing; sometimes you just find/know what's cute and other times you're uninspired and just don't really know what to get. I'm still not thrilled about shopping, but this time it wasn't nearly as stressful and turned out to be a lot of fun.


I thought my new fashion savvy might prevail and once I tried it on I would know what the hell this dress was aiming for. Instead I ended up showing my crotch and making my ass look completely unbecoming. Hopefully it will pay off and someone will tell me what the deal with this dress is.


Something I love about girl time is the level of honesty I can have regarding relationships. Both of us have free reign to pour our hearts out with the dirtiest, naughtiest tidbits of gossip. I wonder if this type of interaction were to continue would things turn sour? Not that I think Annie and I would start getting catty, but just seeing Real Housewives of Orange County, it makes me a little leery of girl time.

I wonder why it is that girls can turn on each other so readily, yet still claim that their girlfriends are BFF's and nothing could bring them apart.

When I was in 6th grade a boy I had a crush on asked me out. I was ecstatic, then one of my best friends formulated some lie to bring us apart because she had a crush on him too. It was a long time ago, and I don't remember the details anymore, but it was the first time I dealt with cattiness.

Perhaps I'm just uninformed, maybe my bad luck along with seeing too many trashy reality shows makes me believe that women are never to be trusted.

Yay! Grey leggings!

Also, my boyfriend and I were watching Sex and the City and he told me that girls were way more vulgar than guys. He said guy time doesn't ever include divulging vulgar/intimate details because it would be completely unacceptable. Of course, Noah is a very respectful man and doesn't think it's right to divulge personal details with other men.

I wouldn't say that he is like most men in that regard, so it could be a completely different case for the typical "guy", who knows?

Day 19: Media

Today I woke up at 10:00 AM. I didn't need to get to school at 8:45am like I usually do, I just needed to be there for a meeting at noon. I think I've been forgetting to take my thyroid pills (I have hypothyroidism) because despite the 5 hour nap and the 6 hours of sleep I still was incredibly tired!

I'm getting better at being a huge makeup badass despite my limitations (no fancy eyeshadow brush, just my finger). I'm getting lots of compliments, which a huge plus when it comes to being girly. Fellow girly girls are not scared to say "Love your shoes", or "Love your eyeshadow!" to a stranger, and I can totally respect that!

I cannot respect the lack of definition in this pic

I'm definitely becoming a girly girl with all the repercussions! I keep getting in really weird petty arguments with Noah that are completely based on my own emotional distress.

I'll be trying to pick out the outfit for tomorrow and get upset, he tries making it better by telling me to deal with it because its not a big deal, which eventually leads me to break down in tears and demand I be treated like a girl for once, because I'm not a man, and I just want someone to treat me sweet.

I've never felt so needy, and what I say I want isn't always what I want. Everything in my heart just feels all over the place. It's kind of like I'm PMSing but less of the anger and more of the raging (emotions). Poor Noah has no idea what he got himself into, neither did I! I expected that I should act more high maintenance but I didn't think in my wildest dreams that it would just come natural.

No wonder the dating game is so complex, being girly, it would be hard to land a man! Who wants to deal with all the emotions? I know I sure as hell don't! If my boyfriend put anything like that on me I would tell him to go to therapy or grow up, I expect the same for girls too.

Why the double standard? I do appreciate guys that can be my shoulder to cry on when I have valid reasons to be upset. But I don't expect that when my boyfriend is upset, that he should just go away and throw a chair or something, he has just as much of a right to feeling emotions as I do.

Someone incredibly wonderful let me borrow her eco-friendly makeup remover and I remembered what was like to not feel like I'm rubbing my skin bare! This stuff is amazing!

Hell F****ing yes to carrots!!

My face even looks livelier!

I watched the first episode of "Sex and The City" today. I suggest anyone who wants to know what it feels like to be a film/TV critic should watch this show. First of all, the intro is only Sarah Jessica Parker walking around in some weird creepily age inappropriate ballerina dress while all the other main characters have their names shown with no faces except hers looking oblivious and dazed. It screams "I'm Sarah Jessica Parker!!! I'm the star! No one else is important!" despite the only reason she's the focus is that everyone is trying to hard to find out why she appears the most desirable compared to her much more attractive and interesting friends.

Why won't they accept me for who I really am; a vulnerable 12 year old girl?

Then the episode ends with her in the car with some really creepy guy, who's also the apparent the love interest throughout the show called "Mr. Bigg" (great name!) that talks like a sex offender and makes the show feel like a sleazy porn that just never got to the sex. Ew, this is going to be hard to stomach, but I'm learning a lot about the reeking desperation females accept about themselves and the pungent perversion that men give in to.

Now I know why I was always so scared of men in Junior high despite the fact they avoided me like the plague. Thanks Mother Culture for making me look like a jackass all of my puberty.

Day 18: Music

Today I woke up at 7. It was really hard for me to wake up, and I initially was supposed to wake up at 6:30 to shower but I was so tired!!

I felt really insecure all day. I felt fat and ugly. I've never felt so unhappy with my appearance when trying so hard.

This project has been incedibly hard for me but I found a glimmer of hope! I talked with my English teacher, who has been a great help with this whole experiment, and he told me I can get independent study credits for this! I won't have to feel so guilty for working so hard on this over homework!

Every time I feel discouraged or hopeless about doing this and want to give up, something happens to push me forward. Now I feel like I don't even have a choice, and that's actually really great!

I feel almost flawlessly girly now, so I think I need to take some aspects to the next step. I compiled a playlist of girly songs and I'll be watching Sex in The City/Gilmore Girls.

I even wrote in girly handwriting!

Writing girly is kinda fun. I used to doodle but I got so insecure, girly handwriting feels like doodling but not as embarrassing. I know exactly how to make everything look pretty, where with doodling random people/flowers etc can look like crap. I compiled the playlist on Grooveshark.com and when "Toxic" by Britney Spears came on I literally got a little nauseous. I didn't know I was so pretentious!

I'm excited to rip some CD's, though poor Noah will have to sit through it in the car with me. I need to talk to some girls who have the music.

Yay! pink!

Tonight I passed out at 5:30 and woke up at around 10pm! It was amazing!! I felt refreshed, relaxed, revitalized! I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep later but I was incredibly tired by 1am. This is such hard work, I think it takes more of an emotional toll than I could ever have imagined.

Day 17: Second Nature

Today I woke up at 7. It was an average morning. I went the extra mile with the makeup to make up for the days before.

Naturally I don't look nearly as awesome here as I did all day

I decided to be a little bold and add some purple under the eye as well. It seemed to transform my look because I got compliments left and right! Even my boyfriend noticed (at the end of the day)!

I've noticed that my blog posts have contained less self reflective content and more mundane details regarding the experiment. I think this has partly to do with me being busy and partly because I'm becoming much more interested in material things instead of intangible theories.


Speaking of material things, I really need some gray leggings! well, I actually just need different colored leggings in general!

I have been incredibly girly pretty much the whole day, its been wonderful! There's this light, on a cloud kind of feeling I get from being girly. But there is still a hole in my facade; I don't have enough girly friends!!

I'm no longer insecure about the clackety noises my shoes make. I don't really care anymore if people think I'm some kind of idiot, shallow, poser, or girly. I am who I am, and no one can bring that down. Ever since the boat party I've had an "I'm awesome" attitude, and it's been great.

I've developed the habit of talking myself up whenever I do something remotely good. I can't say that its a bad habit at all, though its completely uncharacteristic of me! When I initially started becoming girly I emulated the personality of my stepsister from when I remembered her in high school.

She was incredibly negative, the attitude placed her above her peers because she could bring them down and make herself seem too good for a lot of activities. Not to say that was her underlying motivation to be so negative, she had her own personal issues, but it did make me look up to her unflinchingly as a child.


I emulated that personality in high school, but it didn't suit me and it took a lot for me to make myself act less pouty all the time. I've done a complete 180 since then and I love it!

I wore the new shoes today! They were great! I showed them off whenever I could and whenever I talked about them I either ended up squealing or jumping up and down. They are my magic confidence boots; they empower me to act girly!

When I got home and took them off I realized though that there were hidden consequences. My jeans had curled up and were pressing against my ankle the whole day. I didn't feel a thing until I took them off! Unlike my other shoes which practically screamed at me to stop wearing them these were silent killers.

Not pictured: Pain

All of a sudden when I got back the energy was sapped out of me. I was filled with a wrenching need for attention and gratification. I wanted to go to a club or a party and feel loved by everyone. I felt empty without people around me. This experiment has made me crave attention to a level I could have never been able to comprehend!

Maybe it's not attention, but approval? and maybe it's not the experiment, but the fact I could have made some great friends on the boat party but I didn't get to, and now I feel like I missed an opportunity of a lifetime. I don't know, all I know is all of a sudden I feel incredibly cut off from the world where before this experiment I felt like girly girls were the ones cut off (the internet was my avenue).

Before I hated the idea of having lots of friends, lots of people to keep track of, to keep up with. Now I'm open to that idea, I just need to make the friends, which is the hard part. It's slow progress, but I'm working my way up!


By the way, this outfit was all my original clothes(except the boots)! Noah got me the vintage 70's coat for our anniversary and I got the turtleneck from Macy's since I got a gift card there. Don't remember where the scarf came from but pretty awesome eh?

My skin is finally starting to suffer from the frequent makeup use and constant stress. Today when I applied it my skin felt less workable, rougher, drier, and lifeless. Before, my skin was radiant, smooth, and sometimes flawless. I'm beginning to get zits, though I won't go so far as to say I'm breaking out.

Guess which side has makeup!

I am so exhausted by the end of the day, I've decided to only shower ever other day as my skin has become dry and itchy and it's bad for my hair. Also, I get some days where I can finally sleep when I want to!

My body's perfect balance has been ruined! I used to have smooth skin all over my body, now I've developed strange bumps throughout. On my chest, my wrist, my face, my legs, it just never ends!

I am so tired, I don't have the emotional or physical energy to pull this thing off. But I have to push through, a girly girl wouldn't give up on her appearance just because of an exhausting day!

Day 16: Chugging Along

Today I woke up at 6:49!! I was panicky, I thought we had to leave ASAP, and Noah always ended up late to his class because of my high maintenance experiment in the past. He informed me that we still had 45 minutes to get ready, but that still was not enough for me!

I woke up with kinda curlyish hair and though that it might look alright if I just hairsprayed it up. I tried it and asked my mom, she said "Good, but a little messy" Sorry mom, but coming from you that means it looks completely unpresentable.

I brushed out the hairspray and tried to curl my hair with a straightener. Hey, I've seen it done and it looks fantastic!! But I realized then I have no idea what the hell to do when it comes to curling my hair with a straightener.

Long story short, my hair has never been treated so cruelly, and after trying over and over again I finally just straightened it. My hair was furious with me though and refused to straighten properly.

The chunks of stiffly limp hair say it all

I didn't even have time to do eye makeup, and I left a vital portion of eyeshadows at Lacey's, which I have yet to get back.

We finally went back to Noah's house, I realized that at my house I tend to be a huge lazy ass, which contributes to the feeling that it's something of a vacation from the stressors of life, but once I got back to Noah's, I felt the passion override the stress and once I did some studying went back to writing furiously.

Not that I'm saying being at my place makes me this no good slacker, I just look at it as my haven where I can finally kick off my shoes and do nothing for a good 8 hours straight. It's nice, I love it!

I also brought to his house a bunch of clothes that would prove useful for this. You thought packing for my hosue was bad, look at what I just brought up alone(not including the clothes from Noah's)!

I didn't know I had so much clothes!!

I have a lot more overcoats of many types now, so this winter won't be quite as harsh. Oh, and geuss what I got A DAY EARLY?!?! when I found out, I literally squealed, jumped around the room for a few minutes, and maintained an ear to ear grin for even longer.

YES!!

They fit, they don't hurt, and most importantly, they are SO CUTE! Now I need to figure out how to maintain their immaculate perfection. And considering my light brown boots, that's going to be an enormous challenge. I have to congratulate myself though; I really know how to save money on shoes. I've gotten tons of compliments on my light brown boots and they were only $20, these hot mamas (probably incredibly inappropriate slang for nice shoes) were only $38!

These shoes have revived my inner girly; I began this day in a terrible mood and wanted to either quit school, work, or this experiment and ended feeling so excited to show off my new shoes to everyone. That's the true girly way! I need to let these kind of things bring me up, make me peppy, and make me carefree.

the flats I wore today on the other hand revived my inner man. Those things HURT! I wish I had my Walmart Men's Dept. shoes again :(

At least these new boots will hurt somewhere else

Bet you can't wait to see me in those boots!

I can't beleive I'm more than halfway through! I feel like I haven't really learned that much. I hope that I will be able to to spend some more girly time with girls and really be socialized. Right now, I still feel my true self tugging at me, and I miss her terribly.

Something I have learned from this is that I'm freaking awesome the way I am, and no one could tell me otherwise! I won't go into details of just why I'm so great, but seeing myself come out at certain times reminds me that who I am is someone real and kind. People were scared that I would change for the worse, but this could only change me for the better.

Day 15: Miserably Busy

I woke up at 6:30 today. I got 3 hours of sleep because of a presentation today. There isn't much to say besides the fact that I hate Mondays more than I have ever hated anything time related EVER. Even aging.

At least I didn't end up wearing the 80's outfit

I went to a Mary Kay thing today. I have no idea what exactly it was, but spent an hour and a half learning about how to apply makeup to different face types and how to create certain facial illusions. The video that taught me this was 10 or 15 minutes, the rest of it was something between recruiting consultants and advertising products.

If I had time to have an extra job I might consider being a consultant, that is if I was the kind of person that can be super excited all day about something, which I'm not. Maybe I should try to be one of these people for my experiment, it seems to take a lot of energy and acting skills.

Anyway, I passed out while studying at 11:30. Sorry about the short post, but the day was consumed with a lot unrelated stuff. Honestly, it felt like a waste regarding this experiment, though my feet were suitably uncomfortable!