Day 25: Looks

Today I woke up at 7. It was a pretty average morning, I'll spare the mundane details.

As I said before, this is the skankiest outfit I've worn this whole month, and so I decided to take on a skankier persona as well (kind of).

I realized while being glanced at by another man that I SUCK at the "come hither" or "eye sex" look. Maybe this is the reason all my friends get hit on and I don't? Whenever a guy, or rather anyone looks my way I usually look away immediately then look back and attempt a friendly smile realizing I must seem like a snob.

It's always incredibly awkward for me to walk past people, especially acquaintances. When it comes to nonverbal flirtation from across the room, which I sometimes try to do for the sake of trying, it always ends up me looking at the guy really blankly then looking past him.

I told Noah this and we tried eye sex looks back and forth. I either broke down laughing or just generally looked like an ass. Still, my new found confidence did seem to somehow gain me some new guy friends. It was either my exposed cleavage or my more desperate and less awkward approach.

Either way, while I may not have mastered this sexy stare, I still consider today a success. Now hopefully I didn't get any stalkers from it!

I realized from this that its ok to open up to other men. I don't need to constantly be on guard like every guy around me is a potential rapist out to get me. I think this girly naivete I maintain gains me friends without alienating others. I also don't have to avoid the subject of having a boyfriend around guys so as not to "upset" them as I used to.

From being girly I've learned that being open to as many people as possible is a great idea, and if they can't deal with the fact that I'm not going to get as cozy as they'd like, well it sure as hell isn't, and shouldn't be my problem.

Of course, this has been only one day of getting attention. I tend to get annoyed at too much attention from too many people. I hate it when too many people start wanting things from me (like time to hang out), it gets overwhelming. I think that's why I've never had many friends. I hate that about myself, its such an inefficient way to get by. Having lots of friends can get you places, plus there's a lot of people there to back you up when you're on the ground.

If anyone has advice on not only how to make friends but KEEP them let me know. I'm pretty sure the answer will require me to pick up the phone and call old friends but I'm hoping its something else. I think that's what really keeps me from having friends; I HATE calling people! I am terrified of it! I'm terrified of calling someone and hearing "Hey, thanks for FINALLY calling me (asshole)!" and looking like a jerk.

Maybe that's another reason I prefer hanging out with guys; they don't expect you to call them, ever! But I'm not a man, and I need to finally accept that fact and be a girl. Time to make some calls (tomorrow, no, next week)!

{not pictured}: same outfit for tomorrow as day 2's

Day 24: Slumped

Today I woke up at 7:49(late!!)! I rushed to put on makeup and somehow got to school on time but it was incredibly stressful.


I think this set the tone for the whole day because throughout it I felt really unhappy. I think this experiment is really wearing on me.

I think I failed at getting a supportive circle of girlfriends and it's hard to want to keep up with this without the feeling of belonging to something.

Maybe I'm just disappointed in myself for not going as far as I could have with this. I know that I had limitations but I'll never be able to replicate this again without already knowing what's in store for me.

I read an article in Glamour called "What his Valentine Gift says About your Relationship" it was funny how ridiculous and judgmental it was. You would think that girls would understand by now that guys don't leave subliminal messages hidden around their actions, girls to that! I mean, if a guy got her something really weird like knives its an obvious sign but roses and/or a box of chocolates doesn't mean anything.

By the way, this is the skankiest outfit I'll be wearing for the month (hopefully), so stay tuned!

I think I just need to take these last few days as seriously as I can. I feel like I've been slacking, and the slacking is putting a slump in my shoulders. I did this to learn, not to complain. Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day!

Day 23:Pretty

Today I woke up at 6:50. It was a rushed morning, and I was incredibly unsure about my makeup. I decided on a bronzey brown color but was very insecure about it the whole day. I really want some better eyeshadow applicators though I'm impressed with what I've been able to do with the crap that I've got now.

Today was the first day I used a waist belt. this was really exciting because it was my secret guilty girly fetish before this whole experiment. Most feminist-minded people would expect me to realize my mistake and complain about how it constricted my breathing and wasn't worth it. It was! It's an instant confidence booster. I can eat as much as I want and not feel self conscious. It was like a little fairy godmother saying "eat up, I got you covered."

When I took it off at the end of the day I felt my gut spill out. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt exposed. All of a sudden I realized my perfect little waist was just an illusion, that I did eat out at Azteca today, and that it did show.

Also, men seemed to love it! I got a lot of compliments, especially from my boyfriend.

As the month begins to end, school is really winding up, and I've realized how hasty I've been with starting this experiment. I had no idea how much time and effort it would take to keep it up and how little I feel I've accomplished compared to what I know I could have if I had done more research and had more time.

My shoe injures are healing!

This being said, I've decided to not adopt another personality until after the quarter ends. I want to really get the full experience of each person I'm becoming and mostly what I've gotten out of being girly are the clothes, which is just the tip of the iceberg for the personality. I feel like I've really let myself and other down with my hastiness, and next time around, things will really be well planned.

I also realized I need to know more cultural stuff in order to have more informed blog entries. I want to really take this seriously, but I'm just worried I don't have the means/knowledge/friends to make this go as far as it could go.

I've discovered that Glamour.com is much better that Cosmopolitan.com and had an awesome article about how girls need to dress down for men to show they're not as high maintenance as the actually are. It's good to know that men are smart enough to pick up on those cues, though I'm sure lots of guys are completely oblivious. If you are a guy and have no idea what I'm talking about, check out this article.

Day 22: Makeup

I woke up at 6:45 this morning! I'm really proud of myself because not only did I wake up easily but I could have woken up earlier than that! This is a big deal because there are many times the alarm goes off at 6 and we press the snooze button despite the fact that I could get up then when we wake up 30 minutes later I am so tired I want to die just so I can sleep longer.

Ahh! looking good sure feels good!

Also, I finally had the time to thoroughly do my makeup and hair. It seemed like forever, and it definitely lightened my mood quite a bit! Also, I just HAVE to brag; but I got that adorable shirt at Goodwill! Being stylish and thrifty is the ultimate win!

Other than my looking AMAZING all day, nothing much happened. It was a typical hellish Monday; busy from 9am till 9 pm. 12 hour days at school are great!

I have to say this whole makeup business can be really fun! My boyfriend could even agree. This morning was daunting because my outfit required a very specific color scheme: Green, black, and white. I had no idea what to make my eyeshadow. I heard from someone that you're not supposed to match eyeshadows with outfits but from everyone else I've received compliments for perfect color coordination.

I was so conflicted I even resorted to Yahoo answers to find my solution. I was told that whatever color is least common on my outfit should be on my eyes and by other sources that a little bit of green with black liner and mascara would work.

So I did the green. It looked amazing! Then my wonderfully genius boyfriend suggested I put some silver on the top lid; I taught him well! So, I ended up putting dark green on the eyelid, lighter green above it, and silver above that. I was feeling a little saucy so I added some darker silver to the under-eye a little. I also added a very very light green/blue to the insides of my eyes. It looked fantastic!

Of course the picture makes it look average

Pretty much that was my day; obsessing over my looks. The rest was doing homework running between classes and going to a meeting.

But I realized I'm channeling my old high school self a lot through this project in more ways than girly. I've been having a lot of trouble concentrating in class and have a deep desire to write and/or doodle. These were things I did a lot in high school, but somehow abandoned in college. But I'm also getting incredibly insecure, and not only about my appearance. I feel awkward like I lack social skills all of a sudden.

I don't know how much of this is related to who I interacted with today at school or if it has something to do with me trying to get in touch with my girly side by bringing back the me that was as close to girly as I ever was.

I don't like this though, it's not right. This project is meant for me to discover a new self, not an old, obsolete one.

When I finally got home at 9 and got to take off all my clothes I was in for a surprise:

Saggy ears.

Level 4 pain tolerance earrings

I had definitely worked my way up to this amount of weight. remember days 1-3 where I was constantly in pain? If I had worn these guys on those days my ears would be bleeding. Now I can see why women have a higher pain tolerance than men because I was only mildly annoyed by the weight of these all day.

Something that is kind of scaring me is the necklace I wore today. It always leaves a weird grey mark and I suspect at times that it could be causing reactions. Maybe I just need to clean it:


Noah has gotten genuinely annoyed by how long I take to coordinate a new outfit. He thinks I'm way too critical and I should just settle. He has no idea what kind of pressure I'm under (in my head) to look amazing every day.

I have expectations to keep. People have been so impressed so far by my capabilities and I hate disappointing! I have to make sure that every outfit fits the part as much as I can or I have failed at the cardinal rule of girlyness.

Actually, now that I think of it, what is the cardinal rule of girlyness? I need to do some research.

First time utilizing a waist belt, wish me luck!

Day 21: Disappearing

Today I woke up at noon. Somehow I ended up not having time to put on makeup or style my hair. It wasn't like anyone was going to see me that day anyway, it was Superbowl Sunday, and naturally, as a girly girl, I had to disappear.


This made me wonder if that was even true; do girly girls attend sports events? I interviewed a few girls who identified as girly but then hesitated saying that they didn't fit the stereotype because they liked to get dirty and liked sports. I just decided that they weren't the kind of girly I was aiming for, at least not to the level I was going to take it.

But I also realized that most girly girls were the popular chicks in high school, and one common thing those girls did was regularly attend football games/cheerlead for said games. These are too many stereotypes piling on one another though, and the theory is too shaky to put to practice.

So I went to my house during the Superbowl, and Noah went to have some beers and watch the game with his brother. While at my house I remembered an article I read called 12 Things Men Really Find Romantic. Thing 3 was "Give Him a Night Out with the Boys — No Strings Attached". I realized that it was uncommon for a girl to let her man out without considerable guilt tripping/pouting.

I decided I should call him up; this wasn't going to be one of those romantic times. It was hard to make myself so insecure, in fact I just couldn't do it. I wonder why these women are like this? It really is sad to know that men are throwing away their friendships when it comes to committing to a woman, or at least that's how it seems in most cases.

It makes me understand why the dating game is so damn tough for girls. Men don't want to throw away their lives, and rightfully so. But why then do women do this so often, why don't women loosen the leash to show that relationships don't have to result in a ball and chain?

Hmm...

Got a black waistbelt, some colorful earrings, and white tights!

After watching Sex and the City a few more episodes in, I've gained a little more respect for it. It has potential to be a really legitimate show if it weren't for the fact that that Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte are complete stereotypical 2-dimensional characters. It makes for great research though because these stereotypes (besides Miranda's) fall into the girly girl category. This show empowers women at the same time as categorizing them.

Samantha desperately grasps onto her youth, sleeping with any man that can make her feel like she's the young little thing she once was.

Miranda is the raging feminist that most men cringe at the sight of. I despise her character the most because she is the reason guys judge so harshly whenever I act angry or passionate about anything. I've always hated when men tried to categorize me as "angry bitch" over one incident where I wasn't letting someone step all over me. I am not a Miranda and usually I can be quite passive.

Charlotte is the average girl. The one that wants marriage with the perfect man, a cute house and essentially wants to be the modern day Cinderella.

Of course, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is "perfect". Not too desperate, not too aloof, she epitomizes the "perfect girl" or at least what women think the perfect girl would be. For some reason she can get any man she wants without even trying and even stranger yet she doesn't really reject any of these guys, she just sleeps with them and moves on (with class of course).

I like that these women are allowed to sleep around without dealing with moral repercussions, I just wish the media would portray women as real people, not caricatures.

But caricatures are so fun to dress up!

It's strange that my girly experiment has pushed me to become more feminist, but I think the reason I started this experiment was that I hated being categorized, and wanted to see what the appeal was for people to happily put themselves in a box like that. Also, maybe I really was one of these people, and I just didn't know.

But being in a box feels so constricting. I have been craving more than ever to go out and meet new people, to become new people. It feels so cut off and exclusive, as if I can only do and like certain things.

I was craving something different so much today that I almost picked up a hitchhiker. The only reason I didn't was because it was obviously a terrible idea to pick up a male hitchhiker on a secluded road alone in the car. But still, I was very tempted.

This personality is definitely wearing on me. It's like a mask that was fun to keep on because life just seemed better but now my face is sweaty under the plastic and I just want to take it off! Of course, this is just one day, other days I love this new, different me. I'm betting tomorrow will be great, especially with my adorable new outfit!

Day 20: Shopping!

I woke up at 10:30 AM. It feels so good to wake up late(r)! Though if it were my choice I would have slept until 3 pm. It was warm outside today so I decided to wear this number:

Today I went shopping with a friend. It's much more fun to go shopping with a girl; their opinions are more informed, less personally biased (for men they think certain clothes are stupid because their lack of functionality).

I realized that shopping is a lot like writing; sometimes you just find/know what's cute and other times you're uninspired and just don't really know what to get. I'm still not thrilled about shopping, but this time it wasn't nearly as stressful and turned out to be a lot of fun.


I thought my new fashion savvy might prevail and once I tried it on I would know what the hell this dress was aiming for. Instead I ended up showing my crotch and making my ass look completely unbecoming. Hopefully it will pay off and someone will tell me what the deal with this dress is.


Something I love about girl time is the level of honesty I can have regarding relationships. Both of us have free reign to pour our hearts out with the dirtiest, naughtiest tidbits of gossip. I wonder if this type of interaction were to continue would things turn sour? Not that I think Annie and I would start getting catty, but just seeing Real Housewives of Orange County, it makes me a little leery of girl time.

I wonder why it is that girls can turn on each other so readily, yet still claim that their girlfriends are BFF's and nothing could bring them apart.

When I was in 6th grade a boy I had a crush on asked me out. I was ecstatic, then one of my best friends formulated some lie to bring us apart because she had a crush on him too. It was a long time ago, and I don't remember the details anymore, but it was the first time I dealt with cattiness.

Perhaps I'm just uninformed, maybe my bad luck along with seeing too many trashy reality shows makes me believe that women are never to be trusted.

Yay! Grey leggings!

Also, my boyfriend and I were watching Sex and the City and he told me that girls were way more vulgar than guys. He said guy time doesn't ever include divulging vulgar/intimate details because it would be completely unacceptable. Of course, Noah is a very respectful man and doesn't think it's right to divulge personal details with other men.

I wouldn't say that he is like most men in that regard, so it could be a completely different case for the typical "guy", who knows?

Day 19: Media

Today I woke up at 10:00 AM. I didn't need to get to school at 8:45am like I usually do, I just needed to be there for a meeting at noon. I think I've been forgetting to take my thyroid pills (I have hypothyroidism) because despite the 5 hour nap and the 6 hours of sleep I still was incredibly tired!

I'm getting better at being a huge makeup badass despite my limitations (no fancy eyeshadow brush, just my finger). I'm getting lots of compliments, which a huge plus when it comes to being girly. Fellow girly girls are not scared to say "Love your shoes", or "Love your eyeshadow!" to a stranger, and I can totally respect that!

I cannot respect the lack of definition in this pic

I'm definitely becoming a girly girl with all the repercussions! I keep getting in really weird petty arguments with Noah that are completely based on my own emotional distress.

I'll be trying to pick out the outfit for tomorrow and get upset, he tries making it better by telling me to deal with it because its not a big deal, which eventually leads me to break down in tears and demand I be treated like a girl for once, because I'm not a man, and I just want someone to treat me sweet.

I've never felt so needy, and what I say I want isn't always what I want. Everything in my heart just feels all over the place. It's kind of like I'm PMSing but less of the anger and more of the raging (emotions). Poor Noah has no idea what he got himself into, neither did I! I expected that I should act more high maintenance but I didn't think in my wildest dreams that it would just come natural.

No wonder the dating game is so complex, being girly, it would be hard to land a man! Who wants to deal with all the emotions? I know I sure as hell don't! If my boyfriend put anything like that on me I would tell him to go to therapy or grow up, I expect the same for girls too.

Why the double standard? I do appreciate guys that can be my shoulder to cry on when I have valid reasons to be upset. But I don't expect that when my boyfriend is upset, that he should just go away and throw a chair or something, he has just as much of a right to feeling emotions as I do.

Someone incredibly wonderful let me borrow her eco-friendly makeup remover and I remembered what was like to not feel like I'm rubbing my skin bare! This stuff is amazing!

Hell F****ing yes to carrots!!

My face even looks livelier!

I watched the first episode of "Sex and The City" today. I suggest anyone who wants to know what it feels like to be a film/TV critic should watch this show. First of all, the intro is only Sarah Jessica Parker walking around in some weird creepily age inappropriate ballerina dress while all the other main characters have their names shown with no faces except hers looking oblivious and dazed. It screams "I'm Sarah Jessica Parker!!! I'm the star! No one else is important!" despite the only reason she's the focus is that everyone is trying to hard to find out why she appears the most desirable compared to her much more attractive and interesting friends.

Why won't they accept me for who I really am; a vulnerable 12 year old girl?

Then the episode ends with her in the car with some really creepy guy, who's also the apparent the love interest throughout the show called "Mr. Bigg" (great name!) that talks like a sex offender and makes the show feel like a sleazy porn that just never got to the sex. Ew, this is going to be hard to stomach, but I'm learning a lot about the reeking desperation females accept about themselves and the pungent perversion that men give in to.

Now I know why I was always so scared of men in Junior high despite the fact they avoided me like the plague. Thanks Mother Culture for making me look like a jackass all of my puberty.