April 30th, the day before my experiment officially begins. I decided to indulge in some fast food, drinking with friends, and poker while I could. I couldn't really say that I was glad I ate that Taco Bell or proud that I drank that tequila, but the pendulum has swung in the other direction, and by Midnight that night it had swung back. I was ready for it to begin.
I was at a friend's house, and he told me about an incredibly eerie experience with a ghost. Here's his personal experience from before:
"I woke up with a person lying next to me. I was not dreaming, but I also did not have my eyes open when I saw the face in my Mind's Eye...We were very close to holding a séance at 3 in the morning but I had to attend a beginner's meditation at 11 that morning and we decided to wait for another time, I would most certainly be over again.
She was greenish in color and her face was threatening--or at least emotionally fatigued. She was a corpsey shell of character, and I knew that she was right there with me.
The chill forced my eyes open. I switched the lights on and there was a void where I had felt something close.
I have always been of an open (enough) mind that I felt I knew there was a spirit present and I was freaked out. I asked for whatever was in the room to leave, and waited until I was comfortable enough to turn the lights back off and lie down for sleep.
The next night I had decidedly avoided my own bed! Instead I slept on the couch downstairs and it still happened again. I rolled over and to my left was the same face, only this time, it seemed, more starved for attention. I felt a gGiant chill on the nape of my neck and just at that moment the burglar alarm went off. LOUD. I jumped up and fixed the alarm on my way to check to see if the clocks had gone out or were blinking from the power surge. They had not changed a bit. it was 3:30am.
The burglar alarm for my house was not armed. I was sleeping downstairs right in front of a motion sensor that would have tripped the alarm had I set the code.
I provoked the spirit a little later, in the effort of denying it entry to the house. I was watching TV, and at the moment I said something, the screen got all pixelated-- as if somebody was pressing down on the screen. The burglar alarm went off right at that moment.
The next day, when I came home in the evening, I was exhausted from playing ball all day, and was in somewhat of a lighter, more forgiving mood. I decided that, this night, if anything happens, I will accept it with an open heart and open mind. I also had the feeling that the spirit was only starved of love anyways.
Nothing happened
At 11 that morning Noah and I stopped at the bookstore that was holding this meditation class. To our dismay, I had written the wrong time on my calendar, and it had started at 10:30! We decided to sign up for a 3 session workshop that would occur throughout my month and headed towards a delicious looking neighboring Indian buffet.
The food was absolutely amazing. Just about every dish was spicy so I should have figured that the dish titled "Spicy salad" would be intolerable. My first bite proved that it was and it felt like not only my mouth but my stomach had been badly poisoned.
Today I was incredibly exhausted. I felt physically and emotionally drained from the night before and had no motivation after not getting to go to meditation. We went to Noah's house to pick some things up and I decided to take an hour long nap. I still felt just as unmotivated and down as before. I somehow had to push myself to go to two events today, and was dreading it.
Noah and I went to another New Age bookstore closer to my house because there was to be an open mic there at 5. I was happy to spend a while in a New Age environment and expected it to make me feel more energized. We got there really early and there was blaring live music which pushed me further into my introversion. Everything got to be so overwhelming that I decided I should be dropped off at my house where I could just have some quiet time to regain my energy. Today really felt like a failure.
When we parked in the driveway I immediately looked forward to watching some mindless, trashy TV with Noah as my way of relaxing. Then I remembered TV was not allowed for New Age and so I decided to read "The Celestine Prophecy", a book that discusses many spiritual ideas and beliefs. I realized through reading this that I can practice the beliefs but I couldn't force myself to believe them. I'm trying to open my mind and I am spiritually minded at times but some of these beliefs just don't sit right in my gut.
There are many times I'll be told an idea and I can just feel it is right. It may not apply to me personally or even be something I would like to be true but it just sits well with me. Reincarnation is one of those beliefs, though my idea of reincarnation is different than others'. I feel like there are philosophies out there that I can agree with and relate to, but it's just one more discouragement after a long day of disappointments that I can't relate to this book.
It's nice to simply read, the noise of the TV makes it so much harder to truly feel relaxed. I forgot what it was like to do that, and I admit I've missed it greatly. I did fall asleep (again!) while reading, this time for about 3 hours. This time when I woke up I did feel refreshed, and I expect to start tomorrow with a skip in my step.
I must admit my days before this experiment have been very contrasting with New Age. I have been embracing my inner extrovert, though that extroversion is an exhaustible resource as I found out the hard way today. This experiment will do me good, I feel a lot better about doing it than girly, though as of today I'm not particularly excited like I was last time.
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