The routine is beginning to wear on me, now that I don't really have any new, exciting, or effortless outfits/makeup to show off, it all feels so redundant and pointless.
Still, my behavior has changed. I have definitely become more girly over these ten days. Not laughing at off color jokes has become more natural, I thoroughly enjoy looking at Amazon.com for shoes, and talking to girls about what they're wearing feels normal.
I've even gotten so girly I bought awesome black boots for $38 on Amazon!! I'm honestly super excited about them, like really excited.
Yes, I know, I have great taste!These boots feel like the solution to life right now. It would be scary to think that this new shoe-crazy Corrina could be me forever. Good thing my next personality will be completely different.
I don't think this could be the real me forever though. I hate this, it's really hard to get up from bed to take off my makeup, take a shower, shave my legs, wash my face, and put lotion on my bare, exposed legs. I honestly prefer having hairy legs, and I'm even less ashamed to say that now of all times!
The detrimental effect this has had on my self esteem and confidence is the worst though. I would love to go back to barely wearing makeup, being ogled by few but respected by many. This new me is so full of emotional cavities, fatal flaws, and general problems. Even when talking to my friends I seem to leave with a gaping hole in my heart and a tumor of shame. I feel so out of place like this, I need to act the part and when I don't I just look like a bitch.
The old me could never pull off the comments the new me is able to pull off! When I object strongly to something it's ok because I'm supposed to be enthusiastic about things anyway. But it's not working out because I'm not enthusiastic, I'm just me with a bunch of makeup and fancy clothes.
The person I was before was balanced and content. Now this new me is teetering between being someone she is supposed to hate and someone she knows is the real her. It's really hard; that along with the fact that I have to accept and even embrace being considered as an inferior to others.
I talked to a drama teacher about this today. I learned a lot about how to I can go about becoming a girly girl. She suggested I observe girly girls in action at places like the mall or a nail parlour. This weekend I planned on cleaning, but I think instead I'll be doing some vital research.
What to do this weekend:
I know! But I was so tired, I didn't feel like figuring out a whole new outfit!!
The meeting with her reinvigorated my passion for this project. I have a lot more direction and I'm excited to truly take on this personality. I still get really sad because my mind is not accepting of this change. It definitely takes a lot of strength to do this, and I hope I have that strength.
I don't think this could be the real me forever though. I hate this, it's really hard to get up from bed to take off my makeup, take a shower, shave my legs, wash my face, and put lotion on my bare, exposed legs. I honestly prefer having hairy legs, and I'm even less ashamed to say that now of all times!
The detrimental effect this has had on my self esteem and confidence is the worst though. I would love to go back to barely wearing makeup, being ogled by few but respected by many. This new me is so full of emotional cavities, fatal flaws, and general problems. Even when talking to my friends I seem to leave with a gaping hole in my heart and a tumor of shame. I feel so out of place like this, I need to act the part and when I don't I just look like a bitch.
The old me could never pull off the comments the new me is able to pull off! When I object strongly to something it's ok because I'm supposed to be enthusiastic about things anyway. But it's not working out because I'm not enthusiastic, I'm just me with a bunch of makeup and fancy clothes.
The person I was before was balanced and content. Now this new me is teetering between being someone she is supposed to hate and someone she knows is the real her. It's really hard; that along with the fact that I have to accept and even embrace being considered as an inferior to others.
I talked to a drama teacher about this today. I learned a lot about how to I can go about becoming a girly girl. She suggested I observe girly girls in action at places like the mall or a nail parlour. This weekend I planned on cleaning, but I think instead I'll be doing some vital research.
What to do this weekend:
- watch Legally Blonde
- Go to mall and observe girlies
- Get nails redone
- Give myself french manicure on toenails
- If there's time, clean!
I know! But I was so tired, I didn't feel like figuring out a whole new outfit!!
I love Legally Blond! (And I'm not a girly girl.)
ReplyDeleteHa! I'm logged in as my hubby... I'm not actually a Ben, I'm a Kim.
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