Day 12: A Breath of Fresh Air

Today I woke up at 11. I forgot that I had to meet with the drama club at noon until 11:40 so I just packed all my makeup in my bag and did it in the car.

When I met with the club I felt a little flustered, so I didn't really specify what I was looking for, but I was really glad to see that they supported my idea and weren't offended by it.

I didn;t do much that day. Though I should explain that the house I've been taking pictures in isn't really where I live, it's just where I stay when I have to wake up early in the morning for school. My real home is 45 minutes away from school, I love it there but I'm too busy and it's just not convenient.

My boyfriend lives at the home nearer to the school, but this weekend (it's a Friday) he decided to go camping with some buddies. That was fine with me, because that same weekend I was going on a boat party with some girlfriends.

I had to pack for my house. Normally, when I go to my house it wasn't a concern to pack for the weekend. This time I had to pack A LOT of stuff!

This is what I packed before this experiment:

My point exactly

What I packed this time:

Clothes for 1 day

High Maintenance?

That was pretty much my day. Whenever I get to my house I get super lazy though, so I stayed up watching trashy TV until about 1 and then went straight to bed. It was nice to relax, but I felt so guilty after wards. It was one of those rare nights where I felt completely relaxed though, so it was nice!

Day 11: Time on my Hands

I woke up at 7 this morning. I was supposed to wake up at at least 6:30, but for some reason I was incredibly tired. That was a sarcastic statement by the way. Of course I'm really tired! I barely have time to piss anymore!

yes, I was freaking tired!

I re-wore my outfit from day 3, I felt ashamed, but the night before I was so eager to sleep I just threw together an outfit. There was quite an inner struggle with it, but I was able to pull it off to make it look at least slightly different.

I compensated for it this morning by putting a lot of effort into my makeup and hair. All the compliments I got at school also made me feel less guilty for cheating. I also kind of cheated and stumbled a few times on Stumbleupon( a program where you just click a "Stumble!" button on your browser and are instantly lead to a random but awesome website) . God I miss the internet!!

I feel cut off from so many potentially awesome random crap. I especially miss Digg and Cracked. God those websites are fun, they are sorely missed.

Today I decided to force myself to act peppy as possible. It really helps me feel better! I told my friends at school and they were initially upset that I was taking on the girly personality as well. I had to explain the inner struggle I had to bear because of my genuine personality clashing with my fake looks.

It's hard to explain, but there really is a huge clash. Being fully aware of people's judgments and assuptions of me breaks my confidence down. I can't be embarrassed about the clacking noise my heels make at every step and I can't get upset when I see someone who knew me before this and doesn't know about the experiment.

Noah and I finally had some extra time on our hands, and we decided to go out to get sushi at the mall. It was a great time, my peppiness made me feel like everyone was on my side, like everyone was my friend.

After sushi we went to the mall. I realized that when it comes to being a girly girl, you have to force yourself to be oblivious of what other people think. I walked around and forced deep thoughts out of my head. I decided to make myself a caricature of a girly girl that day. The servers seemed to treat me better, and it just felt like people liked me! I had a skip in my step and things like crappy mall music and catty glares completely went over my head.


In the middle of shopping, Noah said he didn't like it anymore, that he wished he could be real with me like we normally were.

At first I thought that he was giving in to the stereotypes and assumptions of what a girly girl was to him then I realized it was nearly impossible for me to talk deeply with the attitude I had. I felt oblivious and I wanted to stay that way. My thoughts were "Clothes, clothes, clothes! Oooh and shoes!" and if I were to have a deep conversation I would be thinking about my surroundings; the people around me, who they were and what they must be thinking when they see me.

I felt like this new girl had blinders on. I didn't notice anything but the useless crap what was in in front of me.

America's version of rose colored glasses
(photo credit: http://design.sva.edu/site/sva_assets/0000/0225/blinders_prototype_horiz602.jpg)

At the mall we picked out some clothes for me to wear for tomorrow. One of the dresses was a pink turtleneck with no sleeves. It looked a little tacky but I needed something pink and I thought maybe I could salvage it if I wore it with a long sleeved shirt. When I was in the dressing room I took a better look at it and realized it had one of those cleavage holes in the front! I came out and Noah asked me why I didn't show him the outfit and I exclaimed that it was a lot more whorish than I thought it was.

After we left he told me the girls working there were giving me dirty looks because of my comment. Normally, I would have felt like crap about myself; my biggest fear socially is people judging me. I get really depressed thinking that someone thinks I'm a bad person.

This time though I said "well, if they think whorish clothes are classy, then more power to them!" it was a bitchy comment yes, but I felt free to be who I wanted to be for once. I didn't care if I looked like a bitch anymore, I was allowed to be me without feeling social pressures!

New eyeshadows from Claires. All of a sudden I'm excited to wear makeup tomorrow, wonder why?

It was wonderful! The only other times I felt so careless was when I drank. I've always felt so limited by almost everyone I knew. I have always held back my real feelings about things, repressed my emotions and impulsive actions. This new me I like! I know I know, being oblivious is not something to be admired. I shouldn't embrace stupidity. But this is part of my experiment, and I'm gonna go as far as I can go without harming myself.

If I maintain my old mannerisms, I'll also get more and more insecure about how false I've become. I'm learning a lot about how to get over some of my old insecurities.

On a more shallow note, I just realized why I've been hating being girly so much lately!! It ties into why girls always want to go shopping. I get bored with all the same clothes and makeup and lose motivation, but once I go shopping and get new crap I'm ready for more!

Ooh..pretty!

Hopefully this will be used often for my many girls nights out/parties I should be attending

This will be incredibly costly though, and I can't keep a pattern of spending money up. I wish Costco had cute clothes packs like the awesome eyeshadows I got at Claire's! Life would be so much easier! Maybe... just maybe, if I gain enough popularity with this, I could get donations?? That would be amazing!!! well, if you're reading this, spread the word! Maybe you know some girlies with clothes they could spare...

Also, a good habit I'm making to make this blog better is gradually working on it throughout the day and when I get home I turn on E! or Bravo and watch a variety of girly shows. Among them are "Real Housewives of Orange County", "Millionaire Matchmaker", "Fashion Police", "The Girls Next Door", and "Keeping up With the Kardashians".

It's pretty brutal at times. Real housewives, which I'm watching right now, is frightening! The women are so incredibly catty, yet they all remain friends for some convoluted reason. I don't know how these women stay so mean at such an advanced age. I mean, I never knew girls like that even in high school!

Hopefully I won't run into any women like that during this experiment! But whatever happens, I've been through the worst of it (I hope!).

Day 10: Embracing the Girly

This morning I woke up at 6:30.I didn't feel the need to style my hair because I was going to wear a hat. This outfit was very similar to Day 4, but not enough for anyone to notice, or comment on.



The routine is beginning to wear on me, now that I don't really have any new, exciting, or effortless outfits/makeup to show off, it all feels so redundant and pointless.

Still, my behavior has changed. I have definitely become more girly over these ten days. Not laughing at off color jokes has become more natural, I thoroughly enjoy looking at Amazon.com for shoes, and talking to girls about what they're wearing feels normal.

I've even gotten so girly I bought awesome black boots for $38 on Amazon!! I'm honestly super excited about them, like really excited.

Yes, I know, I have great taste!

These boots feel like the solution to life right now. It would be scary to think that this new shoe-crazy Corrina could be me forever. Good thing my next personality will be completely different.

I don't think this could be the real me forever though. I hate this, it's really hard to get up from bed to take off my makeup, take a shower, shave my legs, wash my face, and put lotion on my bare, exposed legs. I honestly prefer having hairy legs, and I'm even less ashamed to say that now of all times!

The detrimental effect this has had on my self esteem and confidence is the worst though. I would love to go back to barely wearing makeup, being ogled by few but respected by many. This new me is so full of emotional cavities, fatal flaws, and general problems. Even when talking to my friends I seem to leave with a gaping hole in my heart and a tumor of shame. I feel so out of place like this, I need to act the part and when I don't I just look like a bitch.

The old me could never pull off the comments the new me is able to pull off! When I object strongly to something it's ok because I'm supposed to be enthusiastic about things anyway. But it's not working out because I'm not enthusiastic, I'm just me with a bunch of makeup and fancy clothes.

The person I was before was balanced and content. Now this new me is teetering between being someone she is supposed to hate and someone she knows is the real her. It's really hard; that along with the fact that I have to accept and even embrace being considered as an inferior to others.

I talked to a drama teacher about this today. I learned a lot about how to I can go about becoming a girly girl. She suggested I observe girly girls in action at places like the mall or a nail parlour. This weekend I planned on cleaning, but I think instead I'll be doing some vital research.

What to do this weekend:

• watch Legally Blonde
• Go to mall and observe girlies
• Get nails redone
• Give myself french manicure on toenails
• If there's time, clean!

I know! But I was so tired, I didn't feel like figuring out a whole new outfit!!

The meeting with her reinvigorated my passion for this project. I have a lot more direction and I'm excited to truly take on this personality. I still get really sad because my mind is not accepting of this change. It definitely takes a lot of strength to do this, and I hope I have that strength.

Day 9: Revelations

This morning was really hard. I had organized my outfit for tomorrow but realized it was much too cold out the next morning and had to take the time to find another one. This was incredibly stressful because I desperately need some black boots but I can't seem to find any. Almost all of the outfits I compiled I can't wear because they don't go with any of my shoes!

I really really really really need some black effing boots!


Anyway, when I got to class later for Biology I had to go with a different group than normal. I ended up in a group of all men. two of which seemed to be either complete idiots or total stoners.

Not that I have a problem with stoners, quite the contrary, I think they're really laid back and nice people. But these guys seemed to have instantly wrote me off as some dumb bimbo and initially tried to take charge of the experiment by avoiding any interaction with their group mates whatsoever.

I should have been a good girly girl and embraced this assumption but I was furious to be treated like an invalid and worked to prove my worth. It seemed though that the more I spoke and asked critical questions regarding the experiment the more I was considered to be not only a dumb bimbo, but a controlling one too.

I try my best to encourage others to have their say in the matter because as a child I was never given a chance to speak. I also try not to be too passive because I was never allowed to speak my mind as a child and I don't want to perpetuate that feeling I had of being wallpaper.

Still, I think I strike a pretty good balance between the two extremes, though I do tend to be a little passive at times.

I get extremely upset when I am treated like I'm controlling or stupid because I am neither, and far from those too! But still, many times, as a woman, being assertive is interpreted as being aggressive and being smart makes men feel emasculated, so I just can't win with these guys!

I realized that as a girly girl, there is a stereotype of them being dumb. I knew a girl in junior high who was in all the AP(advanced placement) classes but she dropped out because she was ashamed. She later became popular even though she was into sports and incredibly smart.

scabbing from day 3's shoes

From seeing what I saw today, I understand the extreme pressures girls go through to become their prescribed stereotypes. If a girly girl were to come into a class knowing what was going on and giving all the right answers, the social contradiction in others' minds would be overwhelming.

Some people absolutely need to categorize others, especially if the targeted people appear to fit into a certain category. I think that once that idea is set in some people's minds, it's hard to change.

Today I felt less respect for humanity. The fact that I am put into a box because if my appearance saddens and disgusts me. But most of all, the fact that such smart women are put into the same box everyday is the worst.

How many times have you talked to a girly girl and kept the conversation to 'her level' because she was obviously not capable of something more? How many times have you seen someone like her and talked shit about how she won't do anything but find a man and have his children?

I know I've done it. It's so easy, so acceptable, because she's asking for it right? She's putting so much time and effort into her appearance, so that must be all she really cares about. What if she could have been better? What if in high school she gave in to the social pressures and once she was out there was no turning back? What if once that hair goes blonde and the clothes stay cute then everyone just thinks they know what she is deep inside?

Is there really a girl who never had any dreams in life but to be whisked away by her brave knight to live comfortably in a castle having his children? Is this what she chose to think, or did we choose it for her?

More "payoff" from looking so good

There isn't a payoff to all this, looking pretty doesn't "pay off". It just makes people decide who you are before you have a say.

I was reading my textbook for abnormal psychology and the acceptability of judging people based on their appearance is tangible! "The client's general mode of dress (neat, conventional, sloppy, flashy) ... may be correlated with personality traits, or, perhaps, with a disorder."

Not that I'm saying there is never any merit behind such judgments. There is a lot of merit behind it, or else psychologists wouldn't use it as a tool to assess clients. But my point is that it is acceptable to judge people based on their clothing and physical appearance. What does that do to these girls?

I'm also not saying that they are completely absolved of their actions, but I don't agree with blind or even somewhat founded judgments against people that push them further into their stereotypes.

When I get passionate about what I'm saying in the presence of another man, and he interprets it as me being bitter and angry, I get more bitter and angry than I ever was because I'm being put into a place where I can't truly be considered who I really am, and it makes me angry!

If a girly girl talks to a group of men, and whenever she says something smart or insightful they laugh and patronize her, she is expected to be what they think she should be, and after how many times this happens will she stop fighting it, especially if when she fights it she is looked at as some pretentious bitch.

This was a real wake up call. I didn't really think there was much justification for girly girls to act so stupid. I thought men would be attracted to an intelligent and well put together woman.

Today has broken me down a bit. I feel insecure and depressed. This is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I need to embrace this feeling and surround myself with girls who embrace who I've made myself become. I hope tomorrow will be better.

Day 8: Busy busy

Not much I can say about today. I mean, I could say a lot but I don't have the time. My outfit was cute, but it was more of a sexy secretary look than anything. Plus I look like some kind of trashy midget in this picture:

We tried replicating the style from yesterday, but it didn't work as well. I still got compliments, but I felt silly compared to yesterday's style. I asked Noah if my behavior has changed since this project, and he said yes, so at least I'm beginning to change.

I got some extra clothes from an awesome woman who also has her own online cooking show! I might put the link up later if she gives me the OK.

Otherwise, I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet, sorry, I've had a LOOOONG day!

Day 7: Light at the end of the Tunnel

Today I woke up at 2:30!! I had taken a laxative the night before because...well, why do you think? It caused incredible pain throughout the night and kept waking me up. So that's my excuse, and no one will question an excuse that involves public humiliation.

My days are speeding up again. Today I had to do my homework, meet with Noah's aunt Lola, an ex girly girl who knows how to work it, and hang out with an old friend. I also had to finish yesterday's blog.

Getting ready today was an extra pain. The night before I bought some really interesting looking eyeshadows
the ad promised they would look like this:


I was like "hell yeah!" I know that before I was raving about how not using prepackaged eyeshadow was fun but this stuff promised awesome eyes that looked ridiculously girly. So today was the day I got to try it out.

Now let me say that I'm actually well known by friends to be an expert realist artist. I can draw pictures to look amazingly realistic. Not to toot my own horn, but I can! OK OK, I'll show you!

My drawing of a photo of a cat.

Now what I'm getting at with all this is that I wasn't concerned with making this look amazing, even though it seemed to be a very difficult feat to pull this off. Maybe I just suck at applying makeup, but I DID NOT pull this off!

This was my first experience with a huge rip off. But at least it looked good enough for me to feel like a girly girl.

Of course what only made it worse was when Lola came over to help me be girly she kindly pointed out that girly girls do not wear that much blue eyeshadow, and they if anything, spend hours working on looking natural.

I got a lot of good advice today from Lola along with some fancy stuff.

Yes, that is a real Burberry bag

I learned a lot about how to style hair though I could never describe it in words...mostly because I can't remember it anymore. All I know is that it's really hard to do and just as hard to pull off. Noah will probably do the rolling for me because I will just mess it up though by the end of this month I have to know how to do it!

I realized all the stuff I was doing before was child's play compared to what real girly girls subject themselves to. But hot damn, the end result definitely had its rewards!

If only it were just a little easier to look this good every day...

The day was short overall. I'm going to give my toenails a French manicure soon enough. I don't want to get too hasty and say tomorrow because tomorrow I'll be really busy. But soon enough.
I hung out with a girlfriend. We got some longer leggings at Target and I bought some hand wipes for my bag. I just need to remind myself to use them when necessary. Having girl talk was great! I miss being able to have heart to hearts with a fellow female.

Not that there's anything wrong with my boyfriend, it's just that there's a different dynamic. We are more philosophical in our conversations. It's not really fitting to talk about relationships with the person who you're in a relationship with. It's not really appropriate to talk about guys when he doesn't have any other experience with dating men.

I really need to hang out with other girls more. Being around guys makes it nearly impossible to act feminine, and its showing. It's just hard to push myself onto other women who I wasn't friends with before. I don't want to seem like a stalker...

I think it's just a gradual process. I can't jump into having a tight circle of gal pals until I've actually developed closer relationships. That's one of the positive things I hope to get out of this; some good friendships. I've always sucked at making and keeping friends.

Not to say that there's anything wrong with me, I just go through phases where I'll be really extroverted and have a bunch of friends and then get super introverted and not call them for a few months.

When people keep calling and texting me for too long I get annoyed. It's really about maintaining friendships that I suck at. I think it's a bad thing to be like that, because I do value people who I've known for a long time. But at the other end I think that's kind of what makes me me. If I kept the exact same friends from elementary school, I wouldn't learn what I've learned from the diverse array of people I've befriended in my past.

I think the friends you make in a way reflects what kind of person you are. So what kind of person am I if I can't maintain friendships? And what kind of person am I if all my friends are completely different people?

Day 6: Cleaning Day 1

Today I woke up at 10:30. It was a great morning! I forgot that I still had quiet days. Noah and I went straight to breakfast, and I didn't change into anything until 6. Well, I guess that just because today was the all dreaded cleaning day. And I wasn't about to clean the room and the bathroom in heels.

What slept on makeup looks like

No, this morning wasn't really a "quiet" day. In fact immediately after making breakfast, I decided the best punishment for not finishing last night's routine was to watch the "Fashion Police". Now, I think I have a pretty good fashion sense because since this project I've been getting compliments on my clothes from complete strangers and friends alike. But I know absolutely nothing compared to Joan Rivers and Giuliana Rancic.

Sandra Bullock knows we're watching...

This day was essentially a shitload of cleaning. I thought I would get really flustered and start crying but once I got into the hang of things it worked out really nicely!

Before

After

Cleaning reminded me of playing house when I was a little girl. When I was very very young, about 3-5, I refused to wear pants and always wore dresses. This was mostly attributed to the fact that I would always see children in preschool who wore jeans come up to the teachers and ask if they could have help zipping up their pants. I would not have such a battle with dignity.

As soon as I realized that zipping up my pants was simple and easy I banished the dresses and it stayed that way. Not to say I wasn't ever girly again. I tried my hand at playing with barbies and being a princess. And it was all fun and good. I especially loved Pegasus but my stepsisters insisted my favorite animal was the unicorn (well, I honestly loved the unicorn Pegasus!).

Before

After

Playing house was always fun though; I got to pretend I was a grown up, that I could actually have my own things and make my own choices. Of course playing house mostly consisted of pretending to clean and talking on a wispy high pitched voice to sound like a beautiful housewife.

I think to some extent we all maintain that fantasy of being grown up one day and be able to make our own decisions and have our own things. It's just looked at a different way for everyone. Some people fantasize about having that nice shiny car, and others dream of having the kind of love they would only see in cartoons.

Before

After

Though, I think that when it comes to cleaning its about having that fairy tale home, being Cinderella or Paris Hilton or whatever kind of princess that gets what she wants in the end. Perhaps these girls are creating a world around them, a fairy tale world where everything is bright and beautiful and is there for her.

Or is it because taking so much care into one's appearance naturally means taking care of one's home? Perhaps I'm searching for a deeper meaning than I can get out of this.

Before

After

The cleaning overall wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but maintaining it will be the true challenge. When I come home from work/school I drop my backpack and laptop on the floor and kick my shoes off any which way. When I change clothes I throw the dirty ones to the ground and if I decide I don't want to wear a certain shirt I take off the hanger...it's ending up on the ground too.

If I take food or drinks up to my room they'll be there until I no longer have counter space to put more drinks, and if I buy something new, the packaging will be scattered about until I have lost it and need to search the floor for it.

Before

After

These habits have got to change, and change now! My boyfriend has complete nagging rights as of today, and he can correct my messy behavior whenever he notices something.

Now, when I come home, I will neatly place my backpack and laptop in a designated area against the wall, where, if I need it, I will not tear into it's contends and end up with books, cords, papers strewn across the floor.

Now when I get dressed all dirty clothes go into the dirty clothes pile before I do anything else, and all clothes I tried on but decided against wearing will go back to their designated areas. Jewelry will always go back into its' box and makeup will always go back into its' bag.

When I apply makeup, I will take extra care into not getting it on anything but my face. And if I get any on any surface I will immediately wipe it off.

Every weekend I will clean everything all over again to make sure it stays immaculate. I also need to get some pretty curtains for the window, a nicer office chair, and some more hangers for all my clothes.

Being clean seemed like my biggest challenge but right now it just seems like a roadblock if anything. I'll have to get used to taking much longer to go to the bathroom, which means going to the bathroom at the right times. But maybe all this planning things ahead will work well for me.

After I was done, Noah and I decided to go out to eat. When we found out our restaurant of choice was packed we thought the best thing we could do was rent a chick flick and eat at home.

"Confessions of a Shopaholic" was a really bad movie. I think they were aiming for a "Legally Blonde" for 2009 but they just ended up with a big fat pile of shit. Noah and I got it because we thought we'd learn some things about fashion but all we learned is that green doesn't go with yellow and I'm doubting that too.

The protagonist had a terrible sense of style and I'm definitely becoming more girly because it bothered me throughout the film.

After I took a shower I decided to play the game of "Which leg is moisturized" with you all! So? right or left?I'm having harder and harder times figuring out how to put outfits together. This week I need to go shopping with a friend or I'm screwed! Tomorrow I'll be talking to an ex-girly girl though and she might have some stuff for me.

Day 5: A Slight Reprieve

Today was a Friday. All I had to do was attend a meeting and run a few errands. This was amazing, I actually left school at 3:30!! Usually I hope to leave before 5, but end up leaving around 7 or 8.

The previous two days I had been applying eyeshadow easily because every eyeshadow packet has made the matching of the colors very simple:

Day 2

Days 3 and 4

Day 5!

I was kinda breezing through the makeup application process but now I had to be a little creative. I decided to do some liquid eyeliner and have a lot of eyeliner at the bottom of my eyes. This would warrant a dramatic look, which would go with the dark colors I was wearing that day.

Then I would apply dark gray eyeshadow to the lid, and then a lighter orangeish brown above it. I know this seems like nothing much but it was the first time i really made a change with my makeup besides just different prepackaged colors.

This is definitely one of the fun aspects of being girly. It's exciting to see how I can paint my face to make it look great with my outfit, but not over the top of course!

When Noah and I arrived at school, I felt two self contradictory feelings: craving attention from everyone and fearing leers and stares from men. I remember seeing this behavior in other girly girls.

They would walk on the street looking gorgeous and if someone honked or hooted at them they would be incredibly offended or upset. I think I wanted people to notice how much effort I put into my appearance. I wanted them to recognize that I looked great but at the same time it was an insult to only have been looked at as a sex object. It kinda feels like a slap in the face if I were to ask a guy if I looked good and he looked me up and down and said "you look hot." It's not hard to look hot, but beautiful and gorgeous are traits that are much harder to achieve.

Before, when I didn't worry about my appearance, it was a compliment to be considered both hot and beautiful, because my goal wasn't to be either. Sure every girl likes to look pretty, but I felt beautiful in the eyes of my boyfriend, and that was enough for me.

Doing myself up every day makes me feel incredibly self absorbed. I put so much time and effort to look the way I do, and so during the day I feel like I need to make sure nothing is going wrong. Is my makeup wearing off? is my necklace off kilter? Do I need to reapply my lip gloss? It's interesting that I fear being seen as a sex object while I objectify myself with all the concern for my physical appearance!

After we left school Noah called his aunt who does manicures in an upscale salon. She offered to take us to a cheap place that sells nice hair products. I learned a lot about being high maintenance. I got 3 products: a shampoo, hair treatment, and a heat protecting spray.

The shampoo helps me moisturize my hair since all the styling dries it out.

The hair treatment does the same. After I shampoo I put a small amount (dime sized drop she told me) of this in and leave it for a few minutes before rinsing out.


When I begin to straighten/curl my hair, I spray this on and it protects my hair from the damaging heat.

Fashion tips I learned today:

• Washing my hair everyday is BAD! I'll still be showering every day, but not washing my hair everyday
• You can slap on toenail polish and if you moisturize your feet a lot, then you can just rub off the extras in the morning!
• There are "in" and "out" nail colors for the seasons! Real high maintenance girls will do their research and get their nails done accordingly.

I also learned that I need have on me hand wipes and hand sanitizer at all times. Noah's aunt will stop by in a few days and give me the low down on everything I need to do. I felt so uninformed after talking to her for just a few minutes!

When we finished with that we stopped at the grocery store to get some of my favorite goat gouda cheese. I'm lactose intolerant but can have goat and sheep milk products. The cheese I was looking for couldn't be found. After we left the store I was incredibly sad.

I feel like a spoiled child. If I want something and can't get it I feel like the world has conspired against me. Maybe it was just that this cheese was going to make my day and all I wanted was that cheese, to curl up in bed, and watch some trashy TV.

Maybe being girly is fostering a sense of entitlement, but why would I feel so entitled? Because I put more effort into my appearance than everyone else, and people who don't put as much effort into it don't deserve what I deserve? I don't know, maybe I'm just looking too deep into it.

Noah ended up dropping me off at home and drove to another grocery store to find this elusive cheese. Maybe this is why I'm acting spoiled: cause I get what I want!

Me, contentedly eating my cheese and watching videos of cute animals

Before when I wanted something like that and didn't get it I would suck it up and move on because I wasn't about to expect anyone to solve my problems for me.

Now, it's more acceptable for me to be high maintenance, because after all, how am I expected to go searching the town for cheese in those shoes?!

Soon after that picture was taken(around 8 pm) my boyfriend came in the room and we cuddled and passed out. I woke up at 3 in the morning, initially feeling incredibly guilty I didn't follow up with my routine but after Noah convinced me it had been a really hard week, and I was desperately in need of sleep and relaxation I resigned to the fact that this one day wasn't the end of everything.

After that talk he took a picture of us in the dark with flash and we had a fun time trying to keep our eyes open while being visually assaulted

This is a kind of pain that is worth it!

In conclusion, sorry I don't have an outfit planned for tomorrow, but it is the weekend now. I hope you enjoyed this anyway!